WDR | ‘Molar Opposites’ – The French Fury

Guess who came out of the dentist’s office with a No Cavities™ gold star?

And to top it all off, it didn’t cost anything. I guess the insurance plan I am on allows for two cleanings a year? I have no idea how this stuff works, I’m just glad I don’t have to drop mortgage-like amounts of money on my teeth again/anymore.

FUN FACT: years ago, a couple of my fillings fell out. I grind my teeth something serious at night, and compounded with my propensity to not being able to hold onto anything nice, it wasn’t that much of a surprise. Having no insurance, going to the dentist was just not on my priority list; it didn’t hurt anyway, so I thought I’d just wait until I could afford a visit to get those fixed.

Fast forward a couple of years later, and the teeth are still filling-less. I could definitely feel the hole in of them getting bigger. Food would get stuck in there all the time, and I’d developed strange chewing habits, something like a cross between a hiccuping llama and a dog licking peanut soy nut butter. It wasn’t pretty, but it did the trick. Obviously, it was only a matter of time until something awful happened.

That time finally arrived. A week before I was to board a plane to Portland, OR. For a wedding.

Being the vain asshole that I am ((“I am a hiddeous beast! I am disfigured!”)), I couldn’t deal with the lightning bolt-looking tooth-crack and needed to find a dentist, like, yesterday. Luckily, a friend had a friend who worked at a dentist’s office and was able to hook me up with some serious discounting ((And I’m talking like 70% off the suggested manufacturer’s price.)). Those lost fillings cost me a root canal, a temporary crown ((The dental kind)) to wear at the wedding, 2 more visits after, and close to $1700 when all was said and done.

The moral of this story: do what I say, don’t do what I do. Lose a filling while uninsured? Get thine arse to your dentist as soon as is humanly possible and spend the couple of hundred dollars to fix it. Definitely don’t wait years to do it, and definitely don’t wait until you start chewing your food like a goat choking on alfalfa.

PS: the x-rays are mine. It’s so crazy to be able to see the inside of your own face. It looks much more interesting than the outside, that’s for sure.